by Mitt “Mitt” Romney
Have I told you that your value to me
vastly exceeds the amount of the tax deduction you provided for me
when you were my legal dependents?
Gosh, let’s strap the dog to
the roof of one of Ann’s cars
and drive around, for old time’s sake!
Like me, you too will make it on your own someday
and all you’ll take from me is my love,
the best education money could buy,
a life spent lacking for nothing,
the names and phone numbers of a bunch of powerful people
who owe your daddy a bunch of favors,
and a couple of failed dressage horses,
if you want them.
And oh, by the way, Tagg, the guy running mommy’s blind trust will be sure to
invest around $10 million of it in your hedge fund,
so there’s that, too.