I am very pleased to inform you, the somewhat less-successful human persons who have had the great privilege of reading this collection of English words with related illustrations, that Of Thee, in the Sense of Many of You Young Persons, I Am Also Capable of Producing Vocal Melody: A Bound Volume Collecting Various English-Language Words That Are Intended to Convey a Story to a Younger-Aged Readership has been awarded the prestigious Ann Romney Award for Excellence in Children’s Literature for 2013. We were able to beat out several less-deserving works whose names have unfortunately been lost to history. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the voters who saw fit to select my book for this magnificent award, a picture of which you can see below: my generally quite pleasing life companion Ann “Ann” Romney, her humiliated dressage horse Rafalca “Rafalca” Romney, and our sons Tagg, Rip, Vespasian, Wiglaf, and Shorn. I am humbled by your recognition of my surpassing excellence and value.
As I travel the country speaking to crowds of like-minded humans for small, six-figure fees, I am often asked when I will again write a collection of English words suitable for a youthful readership. To that question, I can only reply, “If and when my business manager, Saul, determines that the expected return on such an activity is such that doing so becomes the appropriate financial decision.” Until then, my friends, I remain,
Comfortably middle class,
Mitt “Mitt” Romney